Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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