You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
