What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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