I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
