The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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