My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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