also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
