if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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