Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
