I'm really into asian looking animals
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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