Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
