I smell stomach acid.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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