did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
