I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Couch. On fire.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
