so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
