Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
