JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
