Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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