i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Welp...herpes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
