I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
