Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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