I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
