I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
