Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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