I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
