You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Im part way to drunk.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
