Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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