I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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