Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
so much tequila, so little girl.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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