Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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