last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
