Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My penis needs a shock collar
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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