Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think my mom watched the whole time
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
