do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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