I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
