she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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