I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
