im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
