You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize