Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
"it" just moved
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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