Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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