Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
