Apparently you make a good broom.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
