my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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