Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
