I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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