it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
