You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
