I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The air was thick with penises
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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