The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
