I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
