I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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