my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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