I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Barsexuality is the new black.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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