oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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