I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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