She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
