Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
