He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
