I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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