When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
