Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
