Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
