i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
