we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
