it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
