just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think I sprained my soul last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
